what number are we on?!

Christmas Eve, a cup of coffee, some Munchies, and Roseanne; and I'm content.

Past couple of days I've been on my own, my girl is out of state visiting her family; and so, I've been writing. I don't know if its inspiration based off of loneliness or simple pms but I've done some of my best writing these past few days. I write from my heart and soul, and so, hopefully convey my feelings to my readers.

I'm laying on our couch, Joey fast asleep by my feet. Missing you is an understatement. Beyond my heart, my soul aches and yearns for you. Any part of you. Your voice would bring me the slightest and greatest joy at this point. I strive to call you with my every heartbeat, but as I glance toward the time, my love for you only surpasses my own desire, when I envision waking you up from your sweet sleep and longing dreams. I finally turned off the show that was only weakening my strength to keep my head up with you not near. It was killing me. I hesitate to translate the language of my heart into words because even I cannot do my body's greatest organ justice. I anticipate you falling into my eyes, deep in my soul. Desire me like you did before you had a taste, fall in love with me like you did after you licked your lips. Embrace my entire being, as if every inch of my flesh is an erogenous zone. My mind body and soul is starving for you. And so, I’m scared, that come the twenty-sixth, my indulgence will kill me into submission. Don’t restrain yourself; I’d rather die satisfied with the decadent taste of you, than self proclaimed insane thirsting without you. [122309]

and then there was the poem I wrote, as a christmas present, for my baby brother David, my mother and grandmother:

Brilliant

Mind Body and Soul

Intelligence Strength Patience

Each with their own exquisite talent to

Create Accomplish and Withstand

Many strive for a lifetime to accomplish just one

Utmost fulfillment of the definition

Together, my family

My inspiration to do better

My shoulder to lean on

My love to live for.

Intelligence, Strength, Patience

Mind, Body and Soul

Brilliant

I hope everyone is celebrating the holidays lovingly and having an awesome time. I had a delicious dinner with my brother, mother and grandmother and left soon after. I've been having a hard time sleeping and could barely keep my eyes open, so I came home right after we ate and finished up the third season of the L word. Now I'm cuddled up on the couch, unfortunately watching and dealing with my extremely spastic and annoying cat; can't wait till his mom comes home to deal with his inner tiger alter ego; watching Roseanne, which always cheers me up.

Oh yeah, I forgot, Sex & the City, another show that always cheers me up, is untouched on the DVR list; so, gotta go.

I miss you KMC. I love you.

my family <3

mhmmm,

itsmilana

6

As very few people, even the closest ones to me, know, I write in my spare time; have for as long as I can remember. There is somewhere a little book of poems that I wrote when I was younger, where it is exactly I don't know; probably at my dads buried under several other not yet trash not yet storage papers. Anyways, my mom, along with my grandma have always supported and encouraged my writing, and so a pink little journal became one of my favorite presents one year. Throughout the year I wrote in it, and for mothers day last year, as broke as I was, I decided to simply collaborate all the poems in my journal into four tasteful printed pages for her as a gift. Luckily, she enjoys sentimental gifts. And so, as it was my mother's idea to begin this blogging thing, I thought I would share some of my poems and excerpts with the www world. I wont share them all at once. Why? Well I could say because something is sweeter when given little by little, but in reality, I just don't feel like typing them all. Plus it's notlike it really matters, no one is reading anyway; so basically I just had a full conversation with my damn self. Ha.

"pierce your gaze through my eyes, into my heart, in an upward glance, with a slight smirk upong your face, as I run toward you, soaking wet, from the heavy raindrops pouring from the sky, hair dripping as I stand in front of you, take my face into yourhands, understand the look of love I'm giving you, then kiss me with such passion our hearts almost connect and the rain drops stand still" [012708]

"and in the heat of the moment, everything else can separate, but our lips must stay locked, for they are the only thing that portray our true hearts desire" [031108]

anyways,
sex and the city movie again, for literally the 17th time.

itsmilana.

five.

Well, school is officially out for the semester; although I do have one more ridiculously easy final to go on Friday. So I mark today, Monday, as my last day; and boy was it memorable. First off, in an effort to be safe and think ahead, I took my girlfriends car to school today. My car desperately needed, among other things, gas, an oil change, wind shield wipers, and most of all air in the tires. Considering the recent San Diego PMSing climate of rain, on again off again, I decided not to risk driving my own little Honda Accord, also known as "Lucy." On my way home from school, I feel the car start waivering, and this horrible loud noise; for a second, I honestly paused to look up at the sky through the window, thinking that maybe it was a low flying helicopter causing the car to shake a little, as well as make that annoying noise they always make. I attempt to accelerate just a little and, well, I'm unable to. Wonderful. I pull off to the quickest side of the road, which just happens to be an on ramp onto a freeway. Even more wonderful. Ah I open the door to find out that the tire to my girlfriends car, which I so cautiously took to avoid getting my own flat tire blown out, was not just flat, but shredded. Yup, shredded, into a million little pieces. Well ok not a million, but it was pretty freakin' bad. There was a lady who pulled off to the side behind me to make sure I was ok, which definitely put a smile to my face, and then my best friend and girlfriend had simultaneously arrived after that. I did have to wait in the car for about 15 to 20 minutes, with the hottest most burning sun scorching the side of my face and left arm. Oh yeah, did I mention it was a LEFT rear tire? Meaning it was on the side of the on-coming traffic...on an on ramp..? Ha. Well yeah. They arrived and fixed the shredded flat together as I helplessly stood off to the side and watched in amusement to the constant events of my life. The cops did come at the end of the entire scene and proceeded to tell us that this was a bad place to stop; as if it was my first choice. What was I suppose to do? Drive a little longer on three bits of rubber until I find a nice cozy street located amongst quiet houses and friendly neighbors? Anyways, I proceeded to follow my girlfriend home, to where, only 10 minutes of being indoors, I fell on my face. Flat. Flat on my face. Seriously. I tripped over my laptop charger and BOOM, on my face. I went from vertical to horizontal in point two seconds, right on my knee. Yes, she laughed at me. A little more. And a little more after that and thru the night. Then she had a package delivered to her, and it was a christmas present from her grandparents. Any guesses on what it was? Well, since its me, it would only make sense that they got her something that I have been planning on getting her for several months now, a knife set. Oh how annoyed I was. Finally, after a quick trip to a gas station, a tire place, another gas station, and an oil change station, we were home and then out again on our date night. A french restaurant in La Jolla, and then a little stroll. Oh yeah, my belt, the one I had around the bottom of my waist, fell. Fell down. To my ankles. On my stroll. In La Jolla. I thought my pants fell down. It was exilerating really. Ah, what a night. The movie "Brothers" was the last event of the night, and it was boring and depressing, and for lack of a better word, made me sad. The theater was freezing, and the movie proceeded to have no point or sense of excitement; at all. Yup yup yup. Welcome to my life. Now that school is out, I hope to be keeping this up to date most often. Especially since I watched Julie and Julia AGAIN this weekend (my baby got it for me for our 5months) and it inspired me, just like SEX and the CITY to keep writing every day; if for nothing else, it will make my mother happy :)

anyways, it's late, time to sleep in, FINALLY.

adios,

itsmilana

numero four

So I just came out to my dad. Yeah. On the phone. That was exciting. It's been a rushed annoying day and I thought why not just tell him now. "Dad, I decided I'm going to move in with my girlfriend." Haha. Wow. My dad is the biggest hot headed jew this planet has ever seen, so you can imagine what kind of shock it was to him. He told me he was going to call me back, and when he did he preceded to tell me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life, as if its a choice, of course the infamous, you are too young to understand and the big bad guilt trip of how I'm such a bad influence on my 10year old brother. He finally and that he is done with me.

#three

Ok, so I'm at the library. Shocking I know. Want to know the REASON that I am here, and WILL be here for the next two or so weeks of my life? Well, as I briefly mentioned before, I'm looking for a place to live aka I'm moving. duh. I currently reside in a house which consists of 3 other girl roommates. Each of these girls is a piece of work in itself. I can not even begin to explain how anxious I am to have them all out of my lives permenantely. One of them, we'll call her MISERY is the most obnoxious, controlling, insecure, vindictive, manipulative sack of flesh that has ever stepped on this earth. Seriously. Just her existance within 50 feet of me makes my skin crawl and my face cringe in disgust. She is an ugly person inside, and her beauty, what there was of it, became just as ugly as her personality through time. The second roommate, we'll call her PUSHOVER because, well, there is lack of words to describe her. She is the worst kind of roommate and person, very nice and relatable untill you see her true colors. Only out for herself and very easy manipulated. PUSHOVER and MISERY feed off of eachother as a living. Not a hobby. A living. The third latest and last roommate can only be called one thing, ALCOHOLIC. Wow, she drinks all day everyday, has different guys over, takes drugs and then expects us to babysit her hallucinations. By the way, ALCOHOLIC spends her intimate, disgusting times with her even more disgusting guys, not on her own bed or even her own room, hell she doesn't even use her own blankets; no no, she messes around with these wastes of life on the couch, in the living room. You know, the one we all sit on, the one our guests come and sit on, well SAT on. Yeah. That one. No shame. Oh, and to make her case for herself even better, she's currently in the hospital, barely surviving. The doctor's can't figure out why; and frankly, I can't figure out why the doctors can't figure out why. I mean, really? I didn't go to medical school, but I am pretty damn sure all that alcohol and drugs had SOMETHING to do with it. No? I mean, there was a VODKA bottle at the scene, when she was rushed away by the paramedics. But, don't worry, that's not the end of it. Has anyone noticed what day it is? Monday, yeah, that's right..and the date? The 30th. Meaning TOMOROW is the FIRST OF THE MONTH; and guess who is NOT giving their share of the rent and utilities?! You would think her parents would pay for her rent, I mean yeah, true we didn't put her on the lease, our fault, and we didn't take a deposit from her, also our fault, our fault for trusting someone, but ok, you live and you learn, but now, this is where the family steps in..right? Yeah, freakin' right. Let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. On that note. The lease is up December 31. Logically I was planning to start moving my stuff out December 15. The other two have moved out or are in the process of moving out as we speak. No biggie right? WRONG. "Well Milana since we don't live there the utilities are up to you" WTF?! Oh right right, let me just go into my backyard, grab my golden ladder, and up for a couple hundred dollar bills from that tree. Yeah. So I'm in the library, because the cable and internet are shut off; and like I said I'm a college student; half of my homework and studies is online! Uhhh. Very annoyed.
Anyways,
gotta go,
pops is taking me to go see a condo I might move into.
No no people, not by myself, come on now I just said I'm broke; just to share.


ah felt good to vent,
tomorrow will be a better day.
itsmilana

dos

As you guys can see, today is Thanksgiving; and I can honestly say I had a good one. Woke up next to the love of my life and our brand new lil kitty (Joey), got ready, picked up my mom, grandma and baby brother, and were on our way to Pala Casino Buffet. A little unconventional I know, but to your surprise there was actually a lot of people there. The wait was about 2 hours or so and boy was it worth it. We walked around a little, played a slot or two (while my mom stood in line) and were on our way to fill unlimited amounts of plates with even more unlimited amounts of any ethnic food we desired. As you can imagine we took our sweet time eating and enjoying the holiday. The drive was about 40 minutes each way and unfortunately I took the risk of driving on a almost flat tire the entire way. THANK GOD we were safe. When I arrived to my second home our kitty was waiting anxiously for us with his cone still around his cute little neck. It breaks my heart that he has to wear this cone for two weeks, but he's a trooper. Now I'm sitting on the couch watching HOME ALONE with my kitty and my love enjoying the air of the holidays and counting my blessings. I am so thankful for all of the love and support around me.

I hope everyone spent their holidays the way they most enjoyed.

Anyways, this kitty isn't giving me a chance to sleep at night; always always sleeping on my head, so I grow tired quicker, earlier these days.

Good Night,

itsmilana

the first one

Well, here I am. Why?.. Honestly..because my mother saw some get rich quick article in some Women's magazine and decided that I should put my some-what talent of writing to good use. Will it work? Eh..who knows; it will give my diary and journal pens a break for a change that's for sure. What do people exactly write in blogs anyways? Do they just ramble on? Because if that's the case, then I may just be the perfect person for one of these suckers. Will it make me money? I guess we'll find out, will I end up on Oprah as one of the extraordinary cases of how Blogging made a young female rich quick? HOPEFULLY! I mean, I am no Carrie Bradshaw, but sitting in front of a window, typing away at a laptop does give me a sense of empowerment. One day I really do wish to be like Carrie Bradshaw, I strive for the independent yet fun and adventerous life each of the characters live; and believe you, me, I am getting there. Slowly, but surely. I wonder who is actually going to end up reading this. My mother no doubt will be tracking my every move, but don't worry future followers, I will not tone down all of the juicy details.

Let's do a slight update shall we? I am 21, and like most 21 year olds I have a million problems that seem mediocre to our older generations. The difference is however, my problems are a bit different then most 21 year olds, not all, but most. I am striving to be and stay independent from my parents and finally have that liberating and free life I've always wanted. Looking for a place to live, WHILE getting laid off is not an issue most 21 year olds have. Oh, yeah, did I mention college full time? No? Ok..college full time.

I hope I get some readers so I can ask them why they enjoy reading other people's days. But who knows, maybe I'll answer my own curiousity thru other people's blogs. It would be extremely exciting to become like Julie from that movie Julie and Julia. Oh how I love that movie. I LOVE food. Especially french food. Well really, honestly, all food. Except for Indian really. Hmm, I hope that my blogging doesn't cause a fight between me and my significant other like it did with her! Well, if it does, then it will just give you guys, whoever you guys are, my future readers and maybe one day active followers and obsessors some more interesting drama to read into.

Ok, well I am babysitting my 10 year old brother right now, and even though that doesn't require much of doing anything, it sounds like a good excuse and last thing to say. No? I think so.

Signing off
itsmilana




Oh by the way, if anyone was wondering why the choice in title for my blog, and why it's not 100 problems; I can honestly say I have no idea. That stupid song (99 problems but a b***h ain't one) came into my head and I ran with it. Plus can't you just imagine my book on the best sellers list "21years99problems" seems about right to me.
With time I hope to figure out the layout and all the ins and outs of this thing so I can make it more visually appealing.